We celebrated, and I use that term lightly, Dennis’s 48th birthday in the OU Medical Center and was I was slowly starting to realize that our great life was never going to be the same. I was digging deeper into the scriptures than I ever had and I knew God’s Word was true, but when you are staring at the kind of cirmcumstances I was staring at it was hard to keep uplifted. I would always make sure that only positive came out of my mouth, but in my heart I was dying. People who came and were so down and depressed and they annoyed me, some even cried and I wanted to scream at them, but I did the exact same thing when no one was around. I grew to hate people saying to me that God will never give you more than you can handle and I vowed to never say it to anyone. I, better than anyone, know that scripture is true, but it just doesn’t feel like it at the time. I was starting to get homesick, I missed my dogs, I missed my mom and dad, I missed my things, I even missed my work. Then I would feel guilty because I had these feelings when my husband was suffering so much. But the one constant in my life was God, who was always there, even when I did not feel his presence, I knew He was there.