Monday, June 13, 2011

Trying to cope

I went back to work and it was very hard at first.  I would drive past Mom’s Daylight Donuts and expect to see Dennis’s pickup there.  Every time I saw a blue pickup I would think it was Dennis.  I missed those little things like meeting him for a hamburger every Saturday morning at Eastside or going to Lowe’s for no reason.  I missed him holding my hand during prayer time at church or putting his arm around me if I was cold.  It is those little things that you take for granted that I missed the most.  This is where you feel guilty being a caregiver because you miss these things.  You look at your loved one and see what they have been through and what they are missing and you feel like you shouldn’t have these feeling, but you do and it is a human emotion.  It took me a long time to not beat myself up over these feelings and I never expressed them to anyone else thinking they would judge me. I think it was Creflo Dollar who said the church body loves to crucify their wounded.  That was what I felt like.   I started this blog for caregivers and I am going to stay true to that course.  These feelings I will be talking about I am not always proud of and will be not so popular at times, but they are true feelings and I think unless you have walked in a caregivers shoes you don't have a clue. 

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